Naps, naps, oh wonderful naps

I love naps. Big pink fluffy hearts for naps. Ever since I was a kid, I’d nap when I could. I don’t necessarily feel refreshed afterward, but less tired. Since expanding our fantastic family with kid number 2, the Cricket Fantastico, I rarely get the naps I want.

It’s hard to nap when your kids are around. Even when I am able to, I feel guilty. I start wishing America wasn’t America, but some country where naps were valued or required by law. So I usually just slog on through the day yawning. Loving naps means I am not patriotic. See my line of flawed reasoning there?

So, I want you to take naps for me. You can let me know how they went. I will want them done properly, since this is about living deeply and therefore napping deeply. No twenty-minute “naps” unworthy of the name, no matter what a dictionary or folk tale is going to tell you.

A good, proper, unAmerican nap is best when it:

1) Includes a warm dog by your side, also napping, as a virtual teddy bear. A warm kid also works, but unfortunately my kids don’t nap, they want to play. Silly kids have forgotten how awesome naps are.
2) Includes an actual bed, preferably your own. Soft pillows and warm blankets are a bonus. No, let’s be honest. They’re necessary.
3) Involves complete absence of light. Light is likely to turn what should be a proper nap to a short whatevayawannacallit. Perhaps a “nope.” Duct tape those curtains to the wall if you must!
4) Is at least 45 minutes. 45 minutes is not bad. 1 hour is better. 2 hours and you start to feel guilty. 3 hours and you should feel guilty, which you might, but you’ll also be baffled and wondering why you slept so long while the kids watched an entire movie AND made a lego fortress. (side note: this only happened to me once, after a night that Cricket repeatedly woke us up because of his bad dreams. And HE didn’t want a nap? Baffling.)
5) Doesn’t involve dumping all your responsibilities on your spouse after he/she has had a long day at work. You can’t, or should not. or most definitely should not unless you have no mercy in your soul, take a nap at such a time. Your spouse or significant other works hard all day and then gets home to find you saying, “Hey. Gonna nap for a bit” and you think that’s going to be okay when the house has got to be cleaned up before guests are over or it’s nearly time for dinner? Silly human. No nap for you! The best time for napping would be when your spouse is chilling and the kids are just starting to build that fortress and dinner is 2 hours away and the dog yawns. You’ve got an hour–grab it while you can!

Then let me know how it was, because I’m tired and want a nap. Probably because it is now 5:46 a.m. and I’ve been up since 5 a.m. because my body won’t let me sleep any longer.

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About J. Parrish Lewis

J. Parrish Lewis writes. He is also the author of The Goblin Road, a fantasy novel, and The Rabbit List. He was born and raised in Maryland. In his youth there, he and his brother had many adventures in the dogwood forests near his home. His nostalgia for these adventures has strongly influenced his characters, their relationships, and their perspective on the world they inhabit. He moved to California’s coast to earn his degree in communications and now lives with his family in the San Joaquin Valley. Lewis is profoundly deaf and uses American Sign Language to communicate. He enjoys hazelnut coffee, captioned movies, and walking his dog.
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3 Responses to Naps, naps, oh wonderful naps

  1. kay the faker ;) says:

    i believe a couch can qualify. also, i don’t like to sleep with absence of light.. i like a nap in the sun!

  2. Reblogged this on iamjustrawtruth's Blog and commented:
    (In the sing song of PeterPan)
    I DO BELIEVE IN NAPS, I DO, I DO!!

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